~EncHanteD~

got this article from one of the mailing list, it’s a worth useful reading for women, so i copy it to this blog.

happy reading and who knows you’ll meet your spouse after that ^^

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DATING, ENGAGEMENT, & MARRIAGE
(Part 2)
The Secrets of Starting Love in the Right Way
This is the fifth part in a series of ten life-changing articles written
by Bo Sanchez on FILL YOUR LIFE WITH LOVE.
Taken from Kerygma No 193 Vol.16 - August 2006, page 12-15, by Bo Sanchez

This is exciting.
In last month’s KERYGMA issue, I talked
about (1) making a deliberate choice for the future; (2) how to discern God’s call for your life, (3) a few notes in celibacy; and (4) an encouragement not to date too early in life, but to expand your world.
In this issue, I’ll now talk about the juicy stuff on how to get a spouse.

IV. KNOW WHAT KIND OF SPOUSE YOU WANT

I’ve learned this unbreakable law of life: You get what you settle for.
So know what you want in a marriage partner.
Many people don’t take this crucial step.
When they choose a marriage partner, many people just wing it.

Bad move.
I know many men who pick their cars with more intricate care than how they pick their spouse. When men buy a car, they first read reports on various models, ask other guys for opinions, scout different dealerships, study engine power and actually test drive it before closing the deal.
But when men choose a wife, they pick the first pretty girl that makes their heart beat faster.
Insane.

Women do the same ludicrous mistake. Believe me, women choose their shoes with more care than they choose their marriage partners.
When women buy shoes, they go to eight shops to compare style, color, fit and price. In each shop, they’ll probably try 12 pairs - holding it, touching it, smelling it, wearing it, walking it- before they actually buy the shoes.
But in my experience, many women marry the first jerk that makes them blush.
Gosh.
The shoes are thrown away in six months but she has to live with the bloke for the rest of her life.

MAKE A LIST AND STICK TO IT

Here’s my suggestion: Write your non-negotiable list of what you want in a spouse.
No compromise stuff like.
… He’s responsible.
… He earns enough to start a family.
… He has no addictions.
… He has faith in God.
… He’s kind to his own parents and siblings.
(This is important. The way he treats his
mother and sisters will be how he’ll treat you.)

Now stick to your list!
If the guys you meet don’t qualify, broaden your search. Drop your net at the other side of the boat. Go around, change your daily itinerary and meet more people. But never give up on your list because you feel there’s no other guy left for you.
I’ve heard this many times before: "Bo, my list says that he shouldn’t have any addictions. My suitor now is an alcoholic. But Bo, I’m 37. I’m desperate - I think I’ll accept him and hope he’ll change…"
Sheeesh.
Friend, I’d rather that you be happily single than miserably married to the wrong
person for the rest of your life. Now for the one of the more difficult questions.

V. CAN A WOMAN MAKE THE FIRST MOVE?

"Bo, can I ask a man for a date?"
Single women have asked me this question a hundred times.
My general answer is this: You lose big time if you do. (Note when I say general.
There may be exceptions, as life isn’t black and white.)
Here’s the key - you have to ask him out without asking him out.
Why?
Man is by nature a hunter. He likes the thrill of the chase. He likes the pleasure of the pursuit. But if the prey chases the hunter, the hunter loses interest very quickly. Because it’s too easy. The thrill is gone.
Single women have complained to me about this phenomenon. They tell me, "I’ve noticed that when I fall gaga over a man and call him up, visit him and write love letters to him, and tell him I’ll die without him, he actually runs away from me. Like I had SARS."
Men get flattered that they’re being chased. But their eyes wander, looking for
other prey hiding in the bushes far away. So the question remains: If women can’t chase men, should they just stay at home and pray that God sends the man of their dreams knocking on their door with a bouquet of roses in their hand?

ASKING A MAN OUT WITHOUT ASKING

No. That’s like asking God to make you win the lotto without actually buying a ticket. So what’s my recommendation? The woman who wants to get married should circulate.

Go out. Meet friends. Be in places where she’ll meet lots of single men. She should volunteer in various organizations, join projects, help in teams, etc.
Now what if she circulates and actually meets someone she likes? What should she do? Just wait for him to gaze at her?
She can do much more then wait.
Because here’s another thing I’ve learned about men: They’re hunters but their coward hunters. They fear rejection the way they fear ghosts. So if you like a man, you need to give him what I call "The Look" - a non-verbal message that says: "I’m not sure, but maybe, just maybe. should you decide to pursue me,
you may find sweet success." Notice there’s a lot of "maybe’s" there. Because the guy still shouldn’t be totally sure. There has to be a sense of mystery about you. The thrill of the chase still has to be there.
(Note: Even when you’re already the girlfriend, it’s still important to have that mystery about you.

Acting like a blood-sucking leech towards your boyfriend, saying, "I’ll die without
you," seven times a day will make you the most unmysterious person to him. Don’t do that!
Let him know that you’ve got a life apart from him. He needs to feel he’s still hunting.) In the meantime, be the best person you can be.
Remember that you attract not by what you do but by who you are.
That’s why my final recommendation is.

VI. BE THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE

Your first move isn’t to go looking for Mr. Right.
Your first move is to work on yourself so that you become Ms. Right.
And when you become Ms. Right, you become a magnet: You attract him into your life. I’ll say this point again because it’s so important:
You attract not by what you do but by who you are. When you’re among friends, who you are will speak more loudly than what you say.
The attractive person has inner magnetism. Physical looks may get his attention, but what nails his attention to you will be your inner beauty.
Here are the qualities of an attractive person:

1. Be Happy
Don’t cry because you don’t have the big boobs, the sexy legs and the slim waistline to attract men. Read carefully: Men are attracted to happiness.
And that’s something you can’t fake. Boobs can be augmented with silicone, and legs and waistlines can be liposuctioned. But there’s no plastic surgery
for happiness. This requires self-work.
Are you by nature a happy person? Or are you dissatisfied with life?
Believe me, marriage won’t solve your problems. You’ll just end up become a dissatisfied wife. You need to be happy before you get married.
Fill your life with a joy. Learn how to live to the full!
Besides, guys will have a hard time approaching you if they see you angry, depressed, moody, critical and negative.

2. Be Friendly
By the way you carry yourself, you give one of two messages to the man: Either you’re saying, "You can talk to me and I’ll be delighted" or you’re saying, "Don’t you dare come near me or I’ll humiliate you."
So when he does look at you across a room filled with people, smile! Wave at him. And then return to whatever you were doing - talking to a friend or texting on your cell phone. You just gave him a signal that he’s welcome to approach
you if he so desires.
Some gutsy guys will approach you that very minute. Others will need eight of these nonverbal "Hi-I-won’t-kill-you" messages in a time span of three months for them to finally get the guts to approach you. No joke.

3. Be Loving
A loving person will shine like the noonday sun. Kindness. Humility. Goodness. Graciousness. Servanthood. You can’t hide these things. Neither can you fake them. Nurture these qualities. My dear women, let me say it again: You’re
a magnet.
Work on the magnet, and you can attract the right person for your life.
And just in case he doesn’t really come? You’re already living a full life, and you
know it. And you don’t need a man to complete you. You’ve learned the art of happiness and growing in it more and more.
Live well!

BO’S ACTION STEPS:
1. Are you being deliberate with your choices for your future?
Do you already know what you want?
Do you already know what God wants?
2. Write your vision: If you want to be a happy celibate,
describe the life you want to live. If you want to be a married
person, describe the qualities of the spouse you want
to marry - and the kind of marriage you want.

Taken from Kerygma No 193 Vol.16 - August 2006, page 12-15, by Bo Sanchez