~EncHanteD~

Pernah ngrasa bosan taraf tinggi? i’m now in that condition.. terserah orang mau bilang gw ga bersyukur or whatsoeva’ but i can’t pretend that i’m okay… i am not okay..

i know that i shouldn’t be like this, i’ve been so blessed.. God provided this job at this awesome company right after i finished my final exam, when i haven’t even got the score (imagine!!).. while so many people with higher educations, knowledge and grade are not that "lucky".. He provided what i needed the most, not only for me personally but also my family.. I spent my youth here in a place where i can say "the second home".

But somehow, i feel so tired lately not physically but mentally… it’s been 5 years, keep on working in this kind of environment is not healthy at all..  stessed and depressed all the time, have to eat up all the complaints and claims, blamed for things that you didn’t do, bla..bla..bla.. i’m tired and sick of all these

I used to be strong and able to face all the obstacles but i’m getting weaker each day, i lose my hope that someday i could finally get outta here and spread my wings to other better position..

Seems there’s nothing i can expect from this co. for my future and the last choice is that i have to get out.. but it’s not easy coz i don’t want to just get out but i want to do something that i really like in earning money.. i want my old job, to Teach children, i miss the moments, i miss the teaching, i miss the children, i miss the class, i miss the joy, i miss them all… i’m even okay if i have to be paid half-less than what i earn rite now.. coz hi-salary is not everything for me..

But parents disagree, they asked me not to do that rite now… they asked me to wait… till when? i’m dying, can’t you all see that?? eventhou i survive in here, i don’t do this job wholeheartedly, and i don’t want that, it’s not fair for the co.

People say, try to love your job… i’ve done that and didn’t work.. have any other suggestion?

-iamboredtotears-

Bulan Augy ini, postingan blog sepi just like the way i feel…

There’re actually things that i really concerned these days but i just can’t utterly express it in words..

Lately, i really felt that my life’s blank and dry… kering sampai gw kesel sendiri… what make me upset is that the fact that i know that there’s something wrong with me but i just have no power to get up… atau lebih jelasnya, gw tau gw terpuruk tapi gw ga berusaha utk keluar.. and i know it’s wrong.. and that gw semakin jauh dan jauh from Him..

I kept saying to my self that i’ve to struggle and start to get on my feet and walk closer.. the time is clicking and it won’t wait.. better start now before time’s up and before He said it’s too late

yes, i made promises about this, but again i stumble and fall.. what’s wrong with me? i’m ashamed about my self and eventhou i know that He’ll forgive me, i just can’t forgive my self..

People say that sometimes urban people forget who they really are, it’s becoz of all the daily routines, mouth-watering entertainments and all kinda stuff.. well, i guess they are right.. i just don’t know who i really am anymore.. i forget about my purpose and the divine plan that He already set for me.. i felt no difference between me and all other people in this world who don’t believe in Him…

The Calling Voice is fading away since my ears don’t listen… one thing that i remember, a preacher once said, It is a choice, whether you decide to go to Him or not, it’s a choice.. He never punish me by the moment i sin, He never push… He is the Way.. He make me aware of that already and it’s now my choice if i’ll go That Way or stay where i am now.. in the middle of nowhere with destination called unknown   

-iamlostandwanttobefound-